Why we incorporate horses...

Horses share a few significant similarities with humans. One similarity is in their social structures. Horses are herd animals and have a drive to connect with others, just as we humans have a drive for friendship, family, and community. The relationships within the herd are the network that horses survive and thrive in. We may hear this and grow excited to have the experience of a horse offering connection to us, seeing us from across the pen and walking over to us, choosing us as a potential member of their herd(community). These moments can feel very special, however, relationships that create the network needed for survive and thrive are more complex than that and must develop over time and through experiences and requests made within the relationship. Developing these safe and connected relationships over time and through ongoing experiences is the primary way we work with horses.

Horses are also prey animals. That means that they’re concerned about being eaten by other beings, and that they must always be assessing for safety in their relationships. They must determine, moment to moment, if this being will eat them or not, and if not, will this being be a contributing member of a herd (community) that offers safety to it’s whole. All mammalian brains function largely the same, and use the same mechanisms of fight, flight, freeze, or shut down to protect themselves when necessary. Humans are not inherently prey animals, however, when we’ve experienced trauma, we can start to operate in the world from a place of fear and that means our brain will be stuck in the fear responses of fight, flight, freeze, or shut down. Learning to relate to a horse, who is a prey animal, can help us learn how to relate with our own fear, and learn how to convey safety and connection to our horse partners and help them see the world as a more safe place.

Another reason we use horses is because looking closely at our fear responses and at the way those fear responses show up and effect our relationships is very difficult and emotionally challenging work! It can feel overwhelming and very vulnerable to do that with our human relationships. This work of developing safe and connected relationships with ourselves, and then within our relationships will mean change. Change can feel very uncomfortable and often takes time and effort. We offer the relationship space with the horses as a place to begin to engage with this change, and then prepare to bring it into other areas of your life.

Some things that horses are considering in their relationships are:

~ Will this potential relationship partner be trustworthy and also trustful?

~ Will this potential relationship partner be clear and consistent in their boundaries and communication?

~ Will this potential relationship partner care for themselves as a valued member of the herd by being connected to themselves and their own bodies, and asking for what they need and tending to their own safety?

~ Will this potential relationship partner attune to the relationships around them and respond to the cues of safety or stress in the herd?

~ Will this potential relationship partner engage in repair in an honest and authentic way, in service of growing and deepening the connections within the herd.

~ Will this potential relationship partner's insides match their outsides? Do they allow themselves to be truly seen?

You may notice in this list some things that might feel challenging, or maybe even seem impossible for you in relationships. When we’ve experienced the world around us or relationships to be unsafe, and haven’t been offered a chance to return to a feeling of safety and connection within our relationships and community, we get stuck in patterns of protection. These patterns of protection can look like:

~ Being skeptical of anyone’s good intentions or attempts to connect

~ Using fight as a way of protecting ourselves by lashing out, becoming defensive, or trying to control others in order to feel safe

~ Using flight as a way of protecting ourselves by isolating, pushing people away, and attempting to meet all of our needs by ourselves

~ Being critical of ourselves, and believing we’re not worthy of love and connection

~ Shutting down our external senses, not being able to notice and attune to others

~ Shutting down our internal sense, not being able to notice our own body’s messages and emotions. Numbing ourselves

~ Trying to be perfect or appeasing in the relationships we do attempt in order to try to avoid rupture and repair

~ Masking our true feelings and emotions in order to not appear vulnerable

And those are just a few of the ways we can learn to protect ourselves when we’ve learned safety isn’t possible! Our nervous systems, which have been handed this task of helping us stay safe, are so adaptable. Just as they’ve learned these genius ways to protect us, they can also learn how to soften, and let the sensations of safety, relaxation, and emotion return to our experience.